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Welcome to the Song Lyrics Page
of www.BlueCanyonProductions.com
(Lyrics to songs on our Satire and CD pages)

(This page is a little outdated; haven't really listed lyrics much
past few years for songs on Satire page)

All songs written by Jim Terr, © and published by Blue Canyon Music BMI. All rights reserved.

Daddy's October Surprise

By Jim Terr (c) 2004  Blue Canyon Music BMI
"Alexandra K" vocal by Gwen Lenore

He saved my hamster, that's my kind of man, Sir.

And I think you've pushed him too far.

Lettin' your buddies make charges so nutty

They lack only feathers and tar.

It hurts me to talk to a president this way,

But I can't stand those fear-mongerin' lies.

Yeah you'll wish you'd retired the first time you hear

Daddy's October Surprise.


Yes he'll take the gloves off, I think he's been too soft

On this Apocalypse-bound buckaroo,

Who's put us in hock and in awe and in shock

While dronin' on with his self-righteous poo

‘Bout how he can protect us better than a war hero.

That zero'll get cut down to size

By Daddy's October Surprise.

CHORUS:

He hit the Trifecta, just like he said, on September 11 th , with 3,000 dead.

It gave his life meaning, made him one of the guys, Til Daddy's October Surprise.

So you better start runnin', my dad's out there gunnin'

For poseurs with swagger galore.

All snarl, no teeth, all smell but no beef,

And nobody mindin' the store.

Judges from hell, tax breaks for his pals,

Watch the fear in his beady little eyes,

When he hears Daddy's October Surprise.

Yeah he's gonna find out what a war that he lusted for

Since before he was elected (...well, sort of elected) buys....

And that's Daddy's October Surprise.

Yeah the charge for the cleanup I can only surmise,

When he hears Daddy's October Surprise.

Yeah they'll crash to the concrete, those utterances so wise,

At Daddy's October Surprise.

Yeah maybe a few folks will get un-hypnotized,

By Daddy's October Surprise.

Yeah bring in Osama bein' dragged by a llama.

Even that prob'ly won't help you guys

After Daddy's October Surprise.

Yeah you'll be back in Crawford, wishin' somebody'd offer

To buy you some yummy French Fries

After Daddy's October Surprise.

TELL MAMA

(“sung by Barbara Bush” to the original Etta James arrangement) Parody lyrics by Jim Terr  (c) 2004, Blue Canyon Music BMI

You thought Saddam had WMDs,
Gas and bombs and what-you-please.
Now you find this scary global threat you sold
Is just a little rat in a stinkin' little hole. I want you to—

Tell mama, all about it.
Tell mama, what you need.
Tell mama, what you want.
And I'll make everything all right.

They say this war don't make no sense,
Not worth all the lives and money you spent.
They're makin' fun of your heroic pose,
Your little helmet and goggles and aviator clothes. I want you to—

CHORUS...

On break : You gotta do what's right, son, whatever God tells you to do. Even if you gotta take the whole world down with you.
People always chicken when it comes to doing what needs to be done, Why won't they just trust my oldest, wisest son?

You got an army that can go anywhere,
Over land and sea and through the air.
Don't they understand--
                 
--You can't just let all that machinery rust,
Even if you gotta turn the whole world to dust.

I want you to –
     
CHORUS....




CRAWFORD IS CALLING
(jingle)
                           
(c) 2004 Jim Terr / Blue Canyon Music BMI

"A message from the Crawford Texas Chamber of Commerce"

If you've packed up and left,
Headed east, headed west,
To seek fortune and fame
In a much bigger game,

We'll still welcome you back,
Yes you're on the right track
If you feel most alive
On Farm Road 185.

Yes if you're idolized, won a Pulitzer Prize,
Or a Nobel or two, we're still waiting for you.
If you're a big star, in NASA or NASCAR,
Politics or the arts, come on back to these parts.....

Wouldn't you love a chance,
To kick back at the ranch,
With some regular folks,
With some pretzels and coke?

For a full year or two,
No one bothering you,
Doin' just what you please,
No jet flights overseas.

If you've put in your term
As the head of a firm,
Like FedEx or Fannie Mae
US Steel or the USA,

Leave the media glare,
Gettin' treated unfair.
You and God will be one
‘Neath the hot Texas sun.

The Empire's falling..,
             
But Crawford is calling.....

 




THAT DON'T MEAN HE DON'T CARE
                 
( parody of c/w hit "She Thinks I Still Care" )                                           Parody lyrics (c) 2004 Jim Terr / Blue Canyon Music BMI

Just because there's arsenic in the water,
Just because there's mercury in the air.
Just because the corporations run the White House.
D
on't mean he don't care.

Just because he's out of touch with people,
And answers only to the Man Upstairs,
Just because he'd like to take us all to Jesus,
Don't mean he don't care.

I know sincerity when I see it,
I've seen that conviction in his eye.
He says he's got integrity so I believe it.
I trust him all the way, don't ask me why.

Just because he said that there was weapons,
Hidden under pig sties over there.
Just because my boy may never make it home again,
Don't mean he don't care.

If you ask me why I still believe him,
After bein lied to forty times.
Well I'll give anyone a few more chances,
Learnin' on the job still ain't no crime.

So just because he wasn't really elected,
Just because that ballot count wasn't fair,
Just because him and all his friends are millionaires,
Don't mean he don't care.
Yeah that don't mean he don't care.




I NEVER SHOULDA TRIED TO KILL YOUR DADDY
    (sung by "Saddam")
               
(c) 2004 Jim Terr / Blue Canyon Music BMI

Well it's tit-for-tat, but heck, you know all that.
So when George Number One brought in the big guns
And chased me outa Kuwait, tried to set me straight
I arranged a little hit on that Texas twit.

Well it didn't quite work, I felt like a jerk
But I moved along, let bygones be gone.
Figured George would too, got other things to do
Than worry ‘bout me, ‘n my villainry.

But whoever woulda guessed, whoever woulda thought
That I'd come to regret that crooked shot?
Who'd ever imagine that a vengeful son
Would make a presidential run?

And almost sorta win, what were those folks smokin?
At first I thought the guy on CNN was jokin.
If I'd-a known you weres such a swaggerin' baddie,
I never woulda tried to kill your daddy.


I shoulda kept my weapons of mass destruction,
Shoulda used my limited powers of deduction
To figure how important it'd be to you
To come on over here, show me a thing or two.

I shoulda known money would be no object,
That you'd get a blank check from your willing subjects
Without much reason or justification
For a little revenge you'd bankrupt your nation.

I wish that I'd-a-listened to my inner voice,
I wish I'd made a more sensible choice.
If I'd-a known that the boy was a little bit batty,
I never woulda tried to kill your daddy.


Yeah I never never woulda tried to prune that Bush
If I'd-a known that the Shrub would come and kick my tush.
Yeah, If I'd-a known he'd spawned such a vicious laddie...
I never woulda tried to kill your daddy.
            
(Gals chorus: “No you never shoulda tried to kill his daddy”)

 


The Biggest Mouth in the Big House
©2003 Jim Terr BMI

EIB, Excellent Incarcerated Broadcasting, brings you, live from
Cell Block 9,
The Biggest Mouth in the Big House: “RUSH LIMBAUGH!”  

Yes, I'm in the slammer, thanks very much.
But I can still yammer, haven't lost my touch.
It's Friday, time for Open Lines,
& it'll be a couple hundred more til I've done my time. (Get down)

I'll just keep talkin Truth and Motherhood
To Main Street and now, the Aryan Brotherhood.
& Every time I mention that drugs ain't worth it
They credit me six months community service!
(Ha! Liberals! Dontcha just love ‘em?)

Yeah I got my crew, in case you imagine
You can mess with me in any fashion.
You really think you're gonna get a piece?
I suggest you have a word with my man Maurice.
(Come over here, big fella)

“Chain gang” chorus:
Yeah, the big man's puttin' us on the map
So for all we care he can yap, yap, yap.
14 hours a day you can squeal and shout.
Just shut your pie hole when the lights go out.
“It is my firm belief…” “HEY SHUT UP MAN!!”

Now just to make sure you don't miss my point
I'm not closing down, just cause I'm in the joint.
But I ain't no little Jésus, I'm Rush,
So there's no way I'm eating this mealy mush.

No, those who do the work of educating and informing
Need a little extra fuel to start the morning.
So if you don't like my grabbing an extra meal
Have a talk over here with my man Shaquille.
(Feel the rhythm)

So friends & fans across the fruited plain
Fear not, for indeed I shall rise again.
Next time with a little more emphathy
For the dregs and the druggies like you . . . and me (I suppose)

 

Get Saddam, Saddam

Performed by Laura Bush
to the tune of Que Sera Sera (1956)

When I was just a little girl
I knew I'd marry, a president.
I had a song then, goin' through my head
But no idea what it meant:

"Get Saddam, Saddam,"
I felt that would be the key
To national unity.
Get Saddam, Saddam.

We beat him not just once but twice.
Both times he slipped through, our little hands.
But my husband takes after my father in law;
He's such a patient man:

"Get Saddam? Saddam?
We'll find him somewhere, some day.
Or maybe he'll just go away.
Get Saddam, Saddam."

Sometimes when he's got Football on
I say, "Now honey, where can he be?"
He says "He'll turn up, but leave me alone,
Honey, when I'm watching TV!"

Get Saddam, Saddam.
It used to just be assumed
That S.O.B. he was doomed
Get Saddam, Saddam.
Is it true? We'll see...
It's a mystery...
It's so awfully weird...
How he disappeared...
Get Saddam, Saddam.

 


A MESSAGE FROM JESUS ("DON'T BLAME IT ON ME")

Blue Canyon Music BMI © 2003 (Bluegrass style)
On the Web at www.BombtheBastards.us and
www.BlueCanyonProductions.com/satire.html


There's people talkin' lately 'bout what car would Jesus drive.
A silly thought but I'm just glad folks still know I'm alive.
And "What country would Jesus bomb?" is another one I've heard.
You must know that my skin crawls when I just hear that word.

There's always folks that need a war to keep themselves on keel,
To keep their world in order and to have something to feel.
And plenty who will go along and jump into the fray
Without askin' for a second if there's a better way.

CHORUS:
The Devil's proudest moment is when people look outside
To try to find their demons and to feel a little pride.
So bombs away boys, if you must, but don't pretend that you don't see. And do not do it in my name, yeah don't blame it on me.

Perhaps I should apologize for stayin' quiet for so long,
When for so many thousand years I've watched y'all do so wrong.
Do you really think that spillin' blood is not a mortal sin?
Better take a minute or two to read that Book again.

Yeah you won't purge those demons with a thousand half-ton bombs,
This ain't no TV movie, not a news show or sitcom.
It's misery and can't you see how weary and how sad,
How disappointed I am after the golden chance you've had?

CHORUS:
Those soldiers are somebody's sons, their fathers, uncles too.
If you'd been born a second later that just might be you….
Have you prayed for a way to forgive your latest enemy?
Well then, do not do this in my name, yeah don't blame it on me.
Yeah please don't do it my name, don't blame it on me.



The Ballad of Devil Weed

By Jim Terr ©2002 Blue Canyon Music BMI

A fella came to town one day just lookin’ for some weed.
He claimed that he had cancer, and claimed he had a need
To take a toke, a little smoke of pot from time to time
For his appetite and his nausea—can you believe that line?

Now I’m the local sheriff and I b'lieve it’s my job
To not give in to every whim of the whiney, wimpy mob.
Cuz I’ve seen what that weed can do, it drives a man insane.
And besides, it’s good for any man, to put up with some pain.

A thousand doctors can’t be wrong, except of course in this one case.
So all you good folks sing along, let’s put them potheads in their place.
They say it helps ‘em ease the pain and keep their breakfast down.
But they’ll never use the devil weed, not in my little town.

There’s a substitute available, another reason I ain’t moved.
It costs a lot and don't work too well, but it’s government approved.
So don't give in to those whiney folks, all bedridden and gaunt,
Unless of course, now, I get sick…then give me what I want.

A thousand doctors can’t be wrong, except of course in this one case.
So all you good folks sing along, let’s put them potheads in their place.
They say it helps ‘em ease the pain and keep their breakfast down.
But they’ll never use the devil weed, not in my little town.

(Last line: ...not in this here town)

 

 


Golden Parachute

By Jim Terr ©2002 Blue Canyon Music BMI 505-989-9298

I spent 13 years in your company
And I'm feelin' ready to retire.
I'll keep the house and the boat and the car and my clothes,
You keep the washin' machine and the drier.

And if you complain ain't no one gonna care
That I walked off with all the loot.
I'm just keepin' up a grand tradition
Called the Golden Parachute.

Yeah, makin' all those executive decisions
Almost wore me out, you see.
I been your master and Lord and this is my reward
For all that responsibility.

Retirement? I'll try it. I'll slip away real quiet,
I ain't lookin' for no horn to toot.
If it's fair for G.E., honey it's fair for me.
Give me my Golden Parachute.

Now I hope you don't mind, but I think you'll find
There's some benefits that's accrued.
I get to drop back in for some lovin' now and then,
I hope you don't think that's too rude.

And you get to come over to my new place,
Straighten up and mop the kitchen floor.
Pitch in (a little) for my health and welfare,
Just like you always done before.

It don't matter if I wrecked this marriage
With my all-night drinkin' and wenchin'.
You called me the boss, so honey it's your loss,
This undeserved, overdue pension.

Til they make it a crime, you can argue and whine.
Darlin' I don't give a hoot.
You don't need to work down on Wall Street
To give yourself a Golden Parachute.

Yeah if it's fair for AT&T, then honey it's fair for me
To get this big old Golden Parachute.


REMEMBER SEPTEMBER TWELFTH
"Chipmunks" parody by Jim Terr ©2002

Melvin, have you rehearsed the song I wrote for you?

Well, boss, we wrote something of our own.

What do you mean, something of your own? I write the songs around here, I call the shots, I deposit the checks…

But boss, there's something we thought needed to be said, just listen. It's about September 12th.

You mean September 11th, 9-11, right?

No boss, I mean September 12th.

Really? What happened on September 12th?

Just listen, boss.

Soon the media will dwell
On a day we remember all too well.
The World Trade towers and the fires they'll show.
We'll all grieve and rightly so.

But something else tragic happened that day
Not so very far away.
Twenty-four thousand gave up the ghost
Just when the world could have helped them the most.

What are you talking about, Melvin? What 24,000 gave up the ghost? Where?

Well, boss, I'm talking about the 24,000 people who die every day from hunger and related causes. Every day, September 10, September 11, September 12, that's almost 9 million a year, boss, 3/4 of them children. Not to mention the millions more who just live in grinding poverty and hunger and miserable conditions but do manage to survive.

Well, that's hard to believe, Melvin. I mean, that may be so, but I don't see what that has to do with what happened on 9-11. I think it's disrespectful to even make the comparison, why, it's…

It's what, boss? It's what's been on my mind, that's all. Here, sing along with us.

Well, I hardly think I'll be singing along…

How can we forget the day,
Three thousand got blown away.
But what a shock to start to explore
How that day, and the day after, and the day before

Twenty-four thousand dropped like flies
Right before the world's uncaring eyes.
So while you bask in our bounty and wealth
Remember September 12th.

Melvin, that's shocking. That's absolutely insensitive…unpatriotic!

What's unpatriotic about it, boss?

Well, with all due respect to those starving Africans and everything, the 3,000 who died were Americans. Well, mostly Americans.

Well, are Americans lives more important than other people's lives?

Well…well yes, by God they are.

I don't think God would agree with you on that one, boss.

September 11th, we'll never forget.
You remember where you were, I bet.
While America went about its biz
We found out what terror is.

But not so very far away
Millions barely hang on every day.
So while you enjoy your radiant health
Remember September 12th.

Well, Melvin, perhaps they're used to a life of…of terror, as you call it. We're not. What happened here was intentional, preventable.

Well, the 24,000 a day are preventable, too, boss. That's what the experts say.

Really? I find that hard to believe.

Just look it up, boss. Anywhere. There could be plenty food and water and health care for everyone if we cared enough. But when was the last time you heard it even brought up in the papers or on radio or on TV?

Well…well, let me think…

That's my point, boss, I guess it's not very important.

Well, frankly, maybe that's just their bad luck. If they just applied themselves and pulled themselves up by their bootstraps…

Gimme a break, boss. Do you think you could survive for a week in those conditions, without your credit cards, without adequate food, water and health care? I think it would be Sayonara for you, boss… In fact, when your time comes your little soul might even be reborn in one of those countries, so you might want to start thinking about it now.

Well, we can't spend our time worrying about everybody in the world, Melvin. We have plenty to do improving the moral fiber of this country. We can't be worrying about the whole human race. I think it's a waste of time to even try.

Right, boss, moral fiber. I guess people like Bill Gates and the thousands of people who are working to help turn things around are just dreamers. Yeah, Bill Gates has no grasp of reality, he never accomplished anything, right, boss?

Well, well…

So while we bask in our bounty and wealth…
Remember September 12th ....



"DON'T LET THE TERRORISTS WIN"
by Jim Terr

LYRICS:     (To the tune of Elvis' "Marie's the Name -- His Latest Flame")

The memory of that day, will never go away.
The day those dirty rotten little cowards slammed those planes into them towers.
I never will forgive, as long as I live.

Amid all those screams, they tried to kill our dreams.
But they'll never kill my fantasies of you, help me make 'em all come true.
Let my love come in, or the terrorists win.

Girl can't you see, that you and me
Could find a thousand fascinating ways, to make some babies right away.
Come on, let's begin. Don't let the terrorists win.

LET'S STRIKE BACK AT THOSE NIHILISTIC BASTARDS,
THEY CAN'T KILL THE THINGS WE HOLD SO DEAR.
GET IN YOUR CAR OR TRUCK, WHICHEVER ONE IS FASTER.
AND GET YOUR CUTE LITTLE BUTT RIGHT OVER HERE.

Don't give me that disgust, cuz persevere we must.
So baby just do everything I say. They won't kill our dreams--not mine anyway.
Come live with me in sin, or the terrorists win.
Yeah baby move on in, don't let the terrorists win.
Yeah let my love begin, or the terrorists win.

Satire lyrics ©2001 Jim Terr / Blue Canyon Music BMI

 


"OH BROTHER, Where's the Hits?"
(Nashville's lament)

LYRICS:

We had a real good run with churnin' out those hits, them vanilla bits.
They nourished folks for 15 years but now they're gettin' stale.
With drugstore cowboys and runway models, we was runnin' at full throttle,
But suddenly the formula we had has been derailed.

Yeah, something real has taken hold and of course we were the last to know.
The soundtrack from that oddball movie took off like a shot.
Bluegrass, gospel, old Ralph Stanley, blindsided by that mountain family
But now we're getting back in gear, yeah Nashville's getting hot.

OH BROTHER, WHERE'S THE HITS?
COUNTRY MUSIC'S IN THE PITS.
THAT BLUEGRASS CD's SELLIN NOW.
WE'LL JUMP RIGHT ON IT AND HERE'S HOW:

We'll add a little ringin' banjo, mandolin, and of course some dobro,
Bring on back them precious themes of mother, death and trains.
Add that lonesome harmony, a doghouse bass, and then you'll see
Ol' Nashville will be sellin', yeah, we'll be on top again.

OH BROTHER, WHERE'S THE HITS?
COUNTRY MUSIC'S IN THE PITS.
THAT BLUEGRASS CD's SELLIN NOW.
WE'LL GET RIGHT WITH IT AND HERE'S HOW:

We'll learn to fake sincerity, of all the details that's the key
To pullin' on your heartstrings and your goldurn MasterCard.
But we've been so long off the path, it's bound to make a few folks laugh,
'Cuz when you're playing catch-up, what's so easy seems so hard.

OH BROTHER, WHERE'S THE HITS?
COUNTRY MUSIC'S IN THE PITS.
BUT WE'LL BE CATCHIN' UP REAL SOON
WTH A CATCHY, LONESOME BLUEGRASS TUNE.


Jim Terr's work has aired on the ABC, CBS, NBC/Mutual, Westwood One, BBC (British) and National Public Radio networks, Voice of America, the Larry King, Jim Bohannon, G. Gordon Liddy, Jim Hightower, Dr. Demento, "Mountain Stage," "This Way Out" and "Whaddya Know?" radio shows, NBC- and CBS-TV News, in film, and has been broadcast in over 20 countries. He wrote and performed the national jingle favorite, "Sing a Song of Snapple."


"I'll Be Right With You"
By Jim Terr ©1999 Blue Canyon Music BMI

I was buying some jerky down in old Albuquerque,
Or was it shoppin' for salsa up in old Santa Fe?
The clerk was conversin'--about what I'm not certain--
With her friend on the phone while I stood there all day.

She seemed not to see me while my glasses got steamy
While my heart started poundin', she just babbled away.
It galled me, it gored me, how she simply ignored me,
Then I burst a blood vessel and floated away.

"I'll be right with you, I'll be right with you."
St. Peter declared, and it filled me with mirth.
I didn't mind waiting, cuz it was so intoxicating
To hear those words I never heard back on earth.

Well I wasn't admitted, I guess I wouldn't have fitted
Into someplace so cheerful, so genteel and gay.
I was shuttled below to that place--well, you know--
But I couldn't believe it, when I heard Satan say.

"I'll be right with you, I'll be right with you."
Even down there in Hades in those hot catacombs
Came those beautiful words, that I wish I had heard
Even once back on earth, just one time back at home.



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